im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
