the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
