I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize