Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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