I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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