she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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