So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
