Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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