any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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