I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
