my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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