Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
