lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
