Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
