I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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