i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
