like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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