Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize