My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
