I accidentally had phone sex last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
