We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
