thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
