Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
