Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize