It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize