Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
