U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
