nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
