What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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