At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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