i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
