I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
