Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
