So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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