how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
