your parents love me but you hate me
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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