hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
