Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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