I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
