I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
