I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can text with my tongue
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
