My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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