I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
