John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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