Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
