I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
