Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
