You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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