Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
