My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
