if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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