are you still at the devil's house?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
