Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
