We won't sleep together?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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