At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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