i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
