operation harelip BJ is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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