I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
