somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
