Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
