i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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