Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
