I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
should my penis look like a turkey
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
