Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
