as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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