WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
