Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
