Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
