I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
