I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
