Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
