I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
