so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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