in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize