he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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