When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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