If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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