so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
