I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
