Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
