I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
